This whole notion that men and women are so different...where did it start? Who was the first person to realize that the way we think is so totally opposite of each other?
So, since writing helps me regain my sanity, I'm going to vent here for a few moments. And, since I often discover things through my writing, I might even be able to solve this age-old problem...
Let me start on Sunday. I had to leave Michigan. This act is ALWAYS hard for me. Now, I have been away for years and have adjusted to having "distant" relationships. But, being back with my amazing friends and family, I fall right back into comfort mode. I immediately feel comfortable knowing they are right down the road should I need to escape. Should I need them. It's like no distance or time has passed at all. So, leaving that all over again - every time - is so tough.
This particular trip was especially tough for me as I have been "displaced" so many times over the past few months, that I felt as though I was coming back to living out of suitcases. I find myself constantly frustrated that this continues to be my existence - living like a nomad. It's no one's fault but my own, I realize. But still tough. I just need to settle soon. I just found it so hard to leave the one place I can still call "home"...
Last night "J" came back from his trip home for the holidays. It was so great to see him for the first time in weeks. The reunion was everything I had hoped it would be. Now, I enjoyed my time at home in Michigan so much - visiting with friends, re-kindling old friendships, spending time with my family. But I missed him on Christmas. And New Year's. I would have loved to ring in the New Year with him.
We stayed up late, and of course I had to get up early for work. My friend (who just saw her boyfriend for the first time in 9 months - he left yesterday morning) asked me if I was interested in having dinner with her tonight. As much as I have missed her and love having dinner with my friends, all I wanted to do was spend a little time with "J" alone since coming back to Boston. I have missed him. I am still a little sad after leaving everyone back home. I was so excited to get back into our groove together. Unfortunately, "J" was looking to get back into his groove with his friends. I understand this. I really do. I hate even being upset over this. To make matters worse, I developed a terrible infection that has left me feeling terrible, sad, vulnerable, and emotional. And I sit here in his bed alone - all those feelings swarming. Needing to sleep, but knowing I can't until all of this is off my chest.
Ultimately, I know that I'm a VERY lucky person. I am in a VERY good place, and a VERY good relationship. I just wish that sometimes there were smaller differences between men and women. That men understood it's simpler than they think to love us. Attention. A little affection. Cuddling when we are sick. We love our men and show it well. We like to feel the same.
I know we are wired differently, and they can't be blamed for the way they're built. But, neither can we. So, I wonder if we will ever get to the place where we "get" the opposite sex. Where we can anticipate the way they will react to our actions, and vice versa.
Really, I think that we'll always be like this. And that we, as women, will just always turn to each other to complain about being left alone when we want companionship. Not getting a kiss when we need it. Not enough communication. And, my guess is that they will continue to complain that we are too needy, too emotional, and hard to understand.
So, my dear friends, it seems I have indeed solved this age-old problem. We just need to accept these differences, get angry when they affect us, talk about them, but then let it go. Because at the end of the day, there's nothing better than falling asleep next to the person you love. Or waking up next to the person you can't imagine your life without.
Mars vs. Venus? I don't know. But if there's a magnetic field holding these two planets together, then sure, I can see it. Because there is definitely some sort of "force" at work when he's next to me...
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