Saturday, February 11, 2012

Parenting is rolling with the punches (so throw out the expectations and learn how to duck)


We had a lovely weekend planned. J and I were going to take M and “Little J” to Portland for Disney on Ice and a fun stay in a hotel. This was an “experiential” Christmas gift we gave “Little J” since she receives far too many presents each year to really appreciate everything she has. And, what kid wouldn’t love a chance to see Disney on Ice!?! All of us were really looking forward to the opportunity to get away and enjoy some time as a family. We should have known better.


Around midnight I received a text message from “Little J’s” mom that she had been throwing up for an hour, with no stopping in sight. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that we wouldn’t be able to take this sick child for a 2 ½ hour car ride to Maine. J started to pout, visibly upset that the expectations he had set for this trip got trampled on. And me? I was surprisingly calm and accepting. When J asked why, I realized it’s because I’ve been re-setting expectations since the day I became a mother.

Don’t get me wrong – life is good. It’s just that, when doing anything where a small human is involved, there is always an element of chance. Will they be napping? Will they get sick? Will they throw up on your clothes as you are walking out the door? All of these things hang over your head, teasing you every time you want to leave your house. So, sure, I guess I can say that my predisposition to create expectations for every situation has been, well, neutralized. I still get excited, but there’s always a small bit of doubt that we won’t be able to pull it off. And that small bit of doubt saves me from throwing myself on the floor in a rage of disappointment, and helps me see the opportunities that exist within the wreckage. Unfortunately for J, those opportunities include a lot of hands-on housework.

Come to think of it, maybe that’s why he was so upset.

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