Is anonymity making us assholes?

I belong to an online moms’ group here in Boston, which I herald as one of the best things I’ve discovered since moving here. Moms ask questions about everything from baby sleep and feeding patterns to work issues and how to find a good couples’ therapist. Hands down it’s the best resource I could have possibly imagined as a first time mom. However, recently I became a bit disenchanted with a post from one of the other moms. While the details of the transaction do not matter for the purposes of this post, the gist is that she was unhappy with a local retailer and the way they handled a situation. So, like any scorned person with an internet connection nowadays, she took to the Web. She was angry—and she wanted other mothers to know it, and stand united against this big bad retailer. Except, this big bad retailer responded. Turns out, this retailer is a small husband and wife-owned resale shop in one of Boston’s neighboring suburbs. The couple pays their bills and raises their children on the profits they earn at the shop. They responded politely and with humility. As a PR professional, I think they handled themselves extremely well, and made sure to let them know publicly in a response to the whole group. But the whole experience got me thinking…are we losing our ability to treat people with respect because it’s so easy to hide behind the Internet? I would not hesitate to answer that question with a resounding YES.


It’s a shame that I had to remind the other moms that there are two sides to every story, and that just because one person had a bad experience doesn’t mean everyone should punish them. I mean, if a large majority of the group listened to this other mother, I am all but convinced it could have been the end to this shop; there are A LOT of local moms in this group. Rather, I had to point out to these moms that we should think about how we hope our children (or better yet their friends) would handle this same type of situation with a classmate. Would we want our child's friend to post their personal feelings about our child to a large group of online people (say Facebook), or would we want them to handle it personally and face-to-face?

The good news is that scorned mothers like this one are reaching out (hopefully) without their children knowing they are doing so. Otherwise, I’m afraid it sets the worst kind of example. It’s like the availability, accessibility and anonymity of social media and email has made us forget how to deal with tough or unfair situations. Sadly, it’s making us a nation of tattle-tailors. With these channels everyone has a voice, no matter how mature they are to use it. With a few simple strokes of the keyboard, we have the power to ruin a person’s life or someone’s business. Maybe the next time someone thinks about saying something negative about someone else online, they should remember the golden rule: if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all. Or, is it ‘treat everyone the way you would like to be treated?’ Either way, it means don’t be an asshole, and think before you use the power of the Web to air your personal grievances.