Happy Sunday! I have to say, this holiday weekend sure went by quickly! I wish I could extend it by a few days and just hang out and explore...there's so much to do around here!
Okay, so first things first. Many of you received text messages throughout the day, saying something to the effect of: "I did it! I told him it was over!" And, my dear readers, that's exactly what I did. Most of you are probably confused, thinking I did that a few weeks ago. And, I meant to. But I find I leave things vague and unclear, never really sure myself what I mean by the words that actually come out. So, I end up at the same place, day after day. Knowing I deserve better, and WANT better, I had to make some changes. And stick with them. No matter what. No guilt. No looking back. Just ahead. So many possibilities.
I was planning on giving the relationship the respect it deserves, and tell him in person. He was going to come here for dinner today. Maybe even spend some time walking and talking around JP Pond. But, I knew what today meant for us. It meant goodbye. For good. Yesterday I even deleted his phone number. I knew if I wanted this to stick, I needed to take some desperate measures. Completely let go. Not allow for those lonely and sad moments. When I say I was ready, I mean it.
He calls at 9:00 this morning and wakes me up. "You're going to hate me," he says. "But I totally forgot I had tickets to the demolition derby today, so I won't be able to make it for dinner. We'll do something later this week." Um, the DEMOLITION DERBY!?! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?! Now, I know there are plenty of people out there that like this sort of thing, but come on! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. To give you an idea of who we're dealing with here...this is a guy who wouldn't even allow country music to play in the same house he's in because he think it's so redneck. THE DEMOLITION DERBY!!!!! I do have to say, though, that I never thought I would have lost out to the derby - especially demolition. I think I've officially hit a new low...
Now, because I have gotten used to disappointment, I made the decision last night that if he came up with some excuse as to why he couldn't make dinner today (although I NEVER expected the excuse I DID get!), our goodbye would happen no matter what. It's time for me to take my life back completely - in every aspect. I tell him not to bother. That I've waited long enough. Played second long enough. He says something to the effect of "I knew this would turn into a competition." No, it's not a competition when I am never even a contender.
We hung up the phone, pretty angry. I cried for 2 minutes (give or take a few seconds). I decided that no matter how much I wish he would, he probably will never realize what he just let walk away. He will never realize how good he had it. But, there's nothing I can do to change that. I have no regrets. That's all I need to know.
I decided to go on a bike ride. I followed the Minutemen trail that goes from Bedford to Cambridge. It's almost the same trail Paul Revere rode along warning citizens that the British were coming (speaking of which, I wish someone would've warned ME that the Brits were coming...hehe). I spent 2 hours riding the trail, about 20 miles. I felt amazing. And, on my ride there, I realized that someone out there is waiting to meet me. And is going to forever be grateful for the day he does. Just as I will be. In that moment, I realized saying goodbye to something so wrong isn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. It was actually pretty empowering.
I called my new roommate. I told her what happened, and how excited I am about the next chapter. And, I told her to do whatever she needs to do to get me a personal meeting with Donnie Wahlberg. Who knows - maybe I'll be the next girl to be on stage for a live performance of "Cover Girl". Only this time he won't have a rat tail or torn jeans...and I'll be doing much more than simply holding a rose...
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