Friday, January 27, 2017

Why Donald Trump Will Make Me a Better Mother

As a female, I have always thought that parenting a girl would be so difficult. I mean, the emotional swings alone make it hard to imagine how my mother made it through my teenage years. I delivered my second boy three months ago, after being absolutely certain I was pregnant with a girl. (Obviously, not certain enough!) As I sit here tonight and watch coverage of Donald Trump’s first week in office, my two boys are fast asleep beside me. And, I can’t help but think…this man is going to make me a better mother.

Months ago when the whole “grab ‘em by the pussy” video emerged, I was horrified. Now, I have been around plenty of guys in my lifetime, so I know this way of talking is not unique to our new president. I have been cat-called, pushed up against a wall and a tongue shoved into my mouth, compared to the cheerleaders at a basketball game by a client (as he tried to picture what I would look like if I were wearing what they had on) and called “Michelle” by a guy who used to come into the restaurant I worked at because I “looked like his dead girlfriend.” And those are the incidences off the top of my head. So, I know a thing or two about how men talk in “locker rooms” or at fraternity houses. But this was different. It was coming out of the mouth of a man who was seeking the most powerful position in the world. Someone who, if elected, would represent me as an American. Someone who would be on television all the time, making it quite possible my sons would see and hear him. And, why the hell should they not? I mean, I shouldn’t have to worry about my sons seeing the president of his country. Should I?

But then I really started thinking. About my friends who are raising girls. And I thought how hard it is going to be to raise them around this kind of behavior. How to keep them strong. Assertive. Impervious to pressure. And then I realized something that shook me to my core. It is not THEIR responsibility to raise girls who can say no. It is MY responsibility to raise boys who don’t give them something to say no to. The weight of that responsibility crippled me at first. Honestly, it still does a bit now that the grabber is, in fact, our president.

But, mostly, it inspires me. There is something I can do to change the way women are treated. How they are thought of. How they are talked about.

Today I have two young boys who see -- every day -- a father who treats their mother with respect. Who shares every single household responsibility. Who is an equal partner. Whose work is not more important than mine. Who speaks to me with kindness. And they see men all around them in our “village” doing the same. But as they grow older, the observation will no longer be enough. We will have to talk openly and honestly with them about everything: sex, drugs, consent, appropriate language. We cannot hope they will learn it from others or that they will have picked it up from watching us. We need to hold them accountable for their actions and their words, and raise them with the ingrained belief that every single woman (every human, really) should be treated with respect and kindness.

I hate where we are as a country right now. The man that sits and sleeps in the white house makes me sick. The fact that he made it there makes me even sicker. But, without the light shone on the darkness of our culture, people like me would likely be stuck in our own worlds where we believe that sort of thing doesn’t, or won’t, happen. But, the truth is, it can. And will continue until people stand up and do something about it. So I’m raising my voice. And I’m raising my sons in a way that (I hope) they will never be like him.


Maybe -- just maybe -- something good will come out of this. I know I’m going to work my ass off to do my part to see to it.

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