Just add water

I have "adopted" an instant family. Or, better yet, have become part of one. Without even knowing it - just woke up one morning and voila! There I was in the middle of it.

When I started dating "J", I knew he had a daughter. He told me the night of our first date. Shortly after that night, I met "Little J" and fell in love immediately. I knew he had a daughter. I saw the pink coat. The princess room. The tiny shoes by the door. The pictures that covered the walls. I mean, I got it. "J" + "N" = "Little J". Biology, right? If only it were that simple...

With it being school vacation, we had "Little J" for an extended weekend. Thursday night - family dinner and some catching up with my mom and best friend (sidebar - SO GOOD!). Friday night - first softball game. Saturday - a WONDERFUL afternoon spent in Rockport, Mass climbing rocks and picnicking. Sunday - Barbies and "Little J's" first soccer game of the season. Just a typical weekend with the family...

So, despite the fact that I know "J" has a daughter, it hit me this weekend. "J" has a daughter. She's not just some kid who stays at our house every other weekend. It's not just playing house. This is real.

I couldn't love that kid any more than I do. She's amazing. And brilliant. And loving. But she's his. And not mine. She'll always be his. More importantly, she'll always be his first. At the beginning that wasn't such a hard realization. We were at the start of something wonderful, but had no idea where it would lead. "Future" was a word we used lightly. Now "J" laughs as he talks about what our future will look like. Together. And I (admittedly selfishly) realize that someone else shared that "first" with him...

I hate myself for even thinking this way. I know it's probably a normal reaction - but I hate "normal reactions". And I hate even more that "J" always has to be working to protect the people he loves...

For now, my life will consist of watching "J" be the dad he loves to be. It will be weekend soccer games and occasional Sunday morning Mickey Mouse pancakes. It will be falling deeper in love with this little girl that fate brought into my life.

Yes, for now, my life consists of my "just add water and stir" family. But after the AMAZING weekend we just had, I think I'm pretty lucky to have my "instant" family. Even if it is different than what I had imagined...

Wait!! My WHOLE LIFE is different than I imagined...and that's a pretty GREAT thing...

Sigh.