My mentor and good friend told me that I should write a series/sitcom where every episode starts out with the main character sitting on her blow-up mattress blogging about the things that happen in her life. Picture Sex in the City meets Mary Tyler Moore meets Dear John.
It's sad how very true it is. Me sitting in the dark punching away at the keys, surrounded by nothing but space, a sheet-covered window and an old mirror. I thought that I'd give that a try tonight as I sit, well, you've already got the picture...
My apologies that I'm about to take you back a week. Last weekend "J" told me he made an appointment to look at an apartment for rent a few blocks away in Southie. He said it was to "get in the mode of looking for a place". It was Monday and I had the day off. We slept in, threw some clothes on and drove up the hill to see our first potential apartment together. We walked in and fell in love IMMEDIATELY! HUGE kitchen. TWO decks. TWO floors. THREE bedrooms. TWO bathrooms!!! We told the owner a little bit about us and left with the rental agreement in hand. Then we drove to the grocery store. Standing in the produce aisle, "J" looks at me and says: "Let's just do it. Why the hell not. It's AMAZING. We both love it. It's just what we're looking for. Let's go for it." I look at him holding a package of red leaf lettuce and say: "Yeah, okay. Let's do it."
"J" calls and tells them we want it. The application process follows. References. Credit checks. We make an appointment to bring "Little J" today to give her approval. After all, we can't just make a big decision like that without getting her input.
I call my mom to tell her we found a place. With excitement in my voice, I tell her all about it. How AWESOME it is. "I'll have a closet," I tell her. "I can FINALLY get my things and put them in MY HOUSE. I'll have a home, mom." With little enthusiasm in her voice, she manages to say: "That's great." A few moments later, after a comment I make about the ex-husband, she says: "I think I'm going to go visit him in Philadelphia." Excuse me? I don't think I heard you correctly. The connection must be bad. I thought you just said you're going to visit my ex-husband. I don't think him OR his fiance would be comfortable with that. But, sure, call him and see what he thinks about it.
Funny thing - she hasn't mentioned this in 2 years, and the day I tell her my boyfriend and I are getting an apartment together, this is what she says. Issues, anyone???? I quickly realize that my mother's issues aren't with me and "J" moving in together at all, but with her own issues dealing with change. She has to get to know someone new. It will no longer just be us when she comes to visit. Someone else is important in my life. Someone else is my family. Loving me. Supporting me. Taking me away from her. As much as I sympathize and understand those feelings a parent experiences when faced with letting go, I have lost all patience for it. I believe a family is there to support, love, accept. Mine seems to be excited on their time and when it suits them. They don't like confronting their own demons - it's so much more fun to supress them. But, and maybe I'm crazy here, I think family should be more than talking about the weather.
Anyways, the week continues with little contact with my mom. I am working a lot and starting to get nervous to meet "J's" mom who was coming in this weekend.
So, heart pounding out of my chest, I met her yesterday for the first time. I was FREAKING out. The whole birthday situation left me scared to meet the woman who created and raised this AMAZING man I love. Hmm...maybe I shouldn't have been so tense. Haha! It went smooth - just as predicted. She is WONDERFUL. I can't even believe I was nervous. What an idiot!
Today we took mom and "Little J" to see the new apartment. We asked "Little J" to give us her opinion. As she walked down the stairs, she said to me and grandma: "My opinion is: WE SHOULD LIVE IN THIS HOUSE!" "J" and I smiled from ear to ear. We were so pleased to have her approval. It suddenly felt like home. We signed the lease, shared a family hug, then went to Burdicks in Cambridge for the best hot chocolate in the US to celebrate.
It's funny. "J" and I met on a random Thursday night. Our courtship has been fast, intense, and amazing. Just a few short months after meeting him, I felt this crazy feeling. It was something I had never felt before. I couldn't put my finger on it until this weekend. It's family. He feels like family. His daughter feels like family. I moved to Boston alone and confused 10 months ago. I now have a family here. A home (as of April 1st). It goes to show that family isn't always about blood. It's where home is. And my home is here. In Boston. In Southie. With "J", "Little J", 2 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, a HUGE kitchen, and the INSANE amount of visitors who will inevitably be coming to stay.
I am now looking forward to cleaning bathrooms, doing laundry and fighting over the amount of junk left on the counters. Life is crazy. And SO GOOD!
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