A Man Who Lived in No One’s Shadow

For fourteen years, my grandfather lived (at least by me) in my grandmother’s shadow. She was my favorite person on Earth; whenever she was around, I was no less than one foot away, and most often less than that. The day she died was, to this day, one of the most painful days of my life. I said goodbye to her, and hello to the man she left behind.

Looking back, it’s humorous to me that this man lived in anyone’s shadow. Bigger than life, my grandfather filled any room that he was in with an energy that was immediately contagious. He laughed a lot. He lived to make others laugh. He was always seeking out new jokes to tell anyone who would listen; he liked it best when it would cause me to fall down on the floor with laughter – and then he would tell it often. He loved passionately. For more than fifty years he was a fun and loving partner to my grandmother and then fell in love (at least) twice in the 21 years since then.

I am so lucky. These past 21 years have been amazing. There are moments when I notice something in my personality that is like him, and it always causes me to stop and smile. The last thing he ever said to me was “have fun, enjoy life.” He was absolutely the best example I have of someone who did just that. He traveled. He danced. He loved. A lot. He laughed. When I stop to think about what I’d want the tagline of my life to be, the answer is simple: “All Passion Spent.” I don’t want to get to the end and look back and wished I’d have loved more or had more fun. I want to do it now… while I’m here. The cool thing is, I have this man to thank for making me a person who will do just that. I have him to thank for my curiosity, my energy, my passion – and even my vanity (we can all thank him for that).

He always called my grandma “mum,” and I still loved to hear stories about her. I loved the way he talked about her and their life together. With his death, I kind of feel that I’m saying goodbye to her all over again. I hate knowing I’ll never hear her name like that again, or stories about her from such a close source.  But I am grateful for all the years I had with him, to get to know this man who is such a big part of who I am and want to be. 

The biggest difference on this eve of our final goodbyes is that all of these years later, I’d give anything to have both of them back.