I never wanted to be the kind of person who complains about getting older. Or, even more so, I never wanted to be the person who talks about how things used to be. And yet, I find myself doing both more and more lately. It's not so much that I feel old (I don't think I do) or have some fond memories of years past (no different than the memories I'm making right now), but it does seem like things have changed a lot... and quite quickly. I could go on and on about the myriad ways the world is changing right now that have me a bit more panicky and crotchety than I'd like, but those aren't the issue.
The hardest part about life right now is the isolation. Or, at least, isolation compared to what life used to be like. It's how different friendship looks at this stage of my life. That said, I don't think it's just me. I have read about the friendship recession and hear from friends - mostly via text - that they too are struggling with loneliness. I think it's a massive problem many of us are facing, and yet we think we're the only one. (Check out Claudia Canavan's Women's Health article about the friendship recession or Addie Page's raw and honest Medium post.)
So, I've decided I'm going to try to make sense of this friendship-in-your-40s thing and journal about my experience along the way. Maybe, beyond me, it will help others figure some things out and feel a little less alone. Here's what I've committed to do over the next 12 months:
- Connect with friends - past and present - to talk about friendship, including ours. I want to understand what they need from friends, what they're missing (or not), what makes a good friend and how they hope their friendships evolve in the future. (I have started the list already, and will be adding to it as I go.)
- Ask the tough questions. There are some dear friends with whom I've lost touch, and I'm on a mission to understand why. I anticipate this will be a painful process, but one I have to go through in order to better understand myself as a friend, and hopefully get closure.
- Say yes more. As an entrepreneur, wife and mother, I find that I often avoid going places or accepting invitations out of exhaustion or discomfort. I am going to accept - and send - more invitations for parties, coffees, walks and drinks.
